"Accidents Happen": Yet Another Accident In The Australian Film Industry

I managed to catch an advanced screening of Accidents Happen starring Geena Davis yesterday morning, and felt that I needed to talk about the film as a clear indication of where this ignorant film industry is heading. Oh. Did I say too much for an opening sentence already?

I'll be curt here, so watch out.

Accidents Happen is the result of a very poorly opinionated, dumb film industry in this country. The film, short and pointless story short, is about a dysfunctional family with the Midas touch of bad luck. Geena Davis is probably the only big name among the cast, including some fairly 'big' Australian television names (ones I am not going to bother looking up, anyway). I believe the crew is mostly if not completely made up of Australians, including Elizabeth Mary Moore who gave a talk at our school about production design.

The only thing I liked about this film was the production design. The look of the sets had a glowing, warm 80s feel, which I found very appealing. I liked the way Moore decorated the rooms and managed to fill every space while being both expressive and 'natural'.

Now apart from that, the film just didn't work for me. Bluntly speaking, Accidents Happen was complete and utter shit. How the Australian film industry has allowed for this to first of all, be funded by Screen Australia and secondly, get Hopscotch onboard as their sales agents (possibly distribution?) - well, I don't know. Looking back on all the films that have come out from the Australian film industry in the last year, I think this has to be one of the worst Australia has produced. It's clear that they've tried hard to make it something more than your average My Year Without Sex and Charlie and Boots. Heck, they even casted Geena Davis as the foul-mouthed mother of the unfortunate family. If that isn't desperate enough.

The writing was a fucking disaster, I'll be perfectly honest with you. All of Davis' lines were one line jokes, and when she wasn't telling one, she was either cussing or grunting through her plasticised lips. The supporting actors failed with their American accents, which made their already unnatural dialogue look completely awkward between the actors who were meant to be acting out a 'drama'.

Right, now here is where I began to question the state of this film industry - how could our industry's professionals let a film like Accidents Happen, well, happen? To be funded by Screen Australia, they would have had to sell the story or make use of some form of bias made through relationships (just someone I know who knows someone who is married to someone with a sister in Screen Australia). That being said, all films that go through Screen Australia go through a process of some kind. Okay, straight to the point: these films that come in the form of treatments would be analysed by a group of professionals, who decide whether they'd like to fund the project or not. Now, with a film like Accidents Happen, I wondered: who in their right, dumb mind said yes to allowing this terrible film to be produced?

Kieran has so rightly said time and again: the Australian film industry is made up of two factors: women, and business-minded people. I can see the latter being logical, but if you haven't noticed already, this industry is full of women who don't know anything about film (apart from Jennifer Anniston's latest film, and Gerard Butler's body awesome new rom-com), and don't have the balls to properly critique a film made by the industry they work in.

It's true. I saw Bright Star, directed by Jane Campion (who also did The Piano). The amount of women the film appealed to was astounding, yet the film lacked any substance. There was no plot, no storyline and no character development in my eyes. I had seen better period pieces from the roots of Jane Austen and the likes of the British film industry.

The general audience are totally soaking up all of this shit coming out of the Australian film industry, and it's working in a cycle. People pay to see these movies, while later on their damned, filthy mouths speak words of ignorant delight, which in effect sells these craptastic films throughout the community. It happens in a chain reaction, and once it starts, it never stops. It's just really sad that nothing can be done about it. You see lots of independent filmmakers trying to make it in this industry, only to be shot down by big funding bodies like Screen Australia and distributors like Hopscotch based on the fact that "it's just not appealing", yet you see films like Beautiful Kate and Lucky Country that make absolutely nothing in the box office. There is no wonder everyone is moving overseas, making it around the international festival circuits in hope for some attention and money. And there is no wonder everyone is flocking to the internet for the same reasons too.

Perhaps, I am simply living in a film-based apocalyptic era, where only a precious few of us quietly build our secret, independent society of film-makers and industry professionals who actually know what they're doing - and more importantly, an age who knows exactly what they're saying. It truly angers me to know that there are films like Accidents Happen out there in cinemas with wide theatrical releases, and big name funders and distributors attached. It frustrates me more when fellow industry professionals lie through their teeth about these films based on facts like "it's not patriotic to say it sucked" and "I know someone who worked on the film, isn't it amazing".

But till that day we finally break out of this spell, I'm going to do my very best to start this revolution. The Australian film industry doesn't need REVIVAL. It needs to be left behind, and started anew.

Rant aside, I rated Accidents Happen 3/10.

(I was extremely generous, only for the production design, and nothing more)